Before I had my daughter in January 2022, I never knew breastfeeding would take a toll like it did. Sure, I knew it would come with challenges, but I took a class with my husband and read a few books before the baby’s arrival and thought the rest would fall into place. Boy, did I have a rude awakening.

While the class was amazing and the books taught me a lot more than I knew before, it didn’t prepare me for the real struggles I actually faced once she arrived. Looking back, it’s kind of funny how I thought I had all the tools to succeed if things went wrong or if we faced challenges. This isn’t to say that those resources weren’t valuable – and they may be all some mamas need to have a successful breastfeeding experience – but there simply wasn’t anything like the real-life experience of breastfeeding my own child. It’s the ole’ theory versus practice argument where I had to go through it to understand it. And as natural as everyone tells you breastfeeding is, I soon experienced it can feel anything BUT that. 

The Beginning

My personal journey starts before we even left the hospital. My daughter had such a bad/shallow latch that she gave me almost immediate blisters and coughed up traces of my blood by my second day postpartum. The IBCLC on staff reassured me that with practice it will hurt less, so with my breastfeeding innocence, I continued breastfeeding thinking I was at the peak of the pain. 

Days pass and I can confidently say that things did not peak during our hospital stay. In fact, they got worse and worse as the days progressed. 

Thank God for my dear midwife, Emily, who came to our house soon after we got home and saw me in what she described as “toe-curling pain”. It was easily an 11 on a 10-point scale. Every time my daughter latched, I would cry in anticipation of her breaking open a blister again and feeling like shards of glass were piercing through my skin.

My midwife, like many others, reminded me that breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt, and recommended we seek out an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) and to switch to pumping temporarily. She also mentioned that it looked like she had a lip tie, and to contact a local dentist who does revisions on babies. 

In my stubborn nature, I did not start pumping because I didn’t want to give up any ounce of the breastfeeding relationship and thought things would just figure themselves out. 

Lip and Tongue Tie

The one thing that felt doable was getting her lip tie revised because it meant that we didn’t have to stop breastfeeding and I didn’t have to pump. So, we set up an appointment and she got a lip tie (and posterior tongue tie) revision at only 8 days old. While many doctors simply snip the tie with a pair of scissors, our doctor used a laser to complete the procedure in only a few moments. It was nearly painless for her. I think I cried more seeing my baby with big goggles on her face than she did from the pain. 

Quick shout out…THANK YOU DR. LAUBMEIER!

We were able to nurse while still in the office immediately after the appointment, and I cried of happiness because I wasn’t in pain for the first time in 8 days!!! The doctor and nurses told us they weren’t surprised I was in so much pain because she had a stage 4 lip tie and this could have caused many more issues down the road for her. We had to do exercises for the next two weeks to make sure the tie didn’t reattach, but that was a small price to pay for the good days that lie ahead.

Lactation Consultant

But that wasn’t the smoking gun to our breastfeeding issues. Things went back to the way they were and I found myself blistered, in pain, and agonizing every attempt at nursing yet again. My daughter was screaming and crying, I was crying, my husband was crying. We were all so very frustrated and sad at how difficult this all was. 

At this point, my husband and I decided that we had to go see an IBCLC. I knew if I had any hope of having a successful breastfeeding journey that I had to do it. So, we called the best IBCLC in the area and made a 1-hour drive to her office with our 2-week old, who was starting to show signs of colic. 

The first thing we did was a weighted feed where baby gets stripped down to a diaper and weighed before and after breastfeeding. What we learned shocked us. Our daughter hardly gained any weight at all in her two weeks home. My supply must have dropped because of her poor initial latch and her inability to remove all the milk, therefore, my body made less of it. 

That was simply enough to convince me that I had to start pumping. So, the IBCLC taught me everything I needed to know about the pump I had at home, how often to pump, how to “power pump”, and how to pace feed our daughter from a bottle. I was sad, but hopeful. If we could get my supply back up and get myself healed, we’d be home free…my daughter would stop screaming…I could be in less pain…we could be “normal”. 

But, my daughter still wasn’t gaining weight, she was still screaming, and we were getting panicked. We didn’t know that it would take so long (2-3 weeks) for my supply to increase again…even with the supplements, power pumping, and waking up exhausted every 2-3 hours in the middle of the night.

Donor Milk

We heard countless times, “ just use formula…”, “…don’t feel ashamed for having to switch to formula”, etc., but I knew in my heart that wasn’t something I was going to do until I had absolutely exhausted all options, and I didn’t feel that we had. And at the risk of sounding offensive, I don’t necessarily agree with the “fed is best” narrative. By that I mean, YES FEED YOUR BABIES HOWEVER IT FITS YOUR LIFESTYLE OR CIRCUMSTANCES, but that doesn’t negate the scientific, irrefutable truth that the absolute best nourishment for my baby is my own milk. We already suspected she was having digestive issues, and I could not give up on giving her my own breast milk if I knew we still stood a chance. The plethora of breastfeeding benefits including reducing the risk of countless diseases, improving immune function, and improving the gut microbiome was enough for me to keep going. 

Luckily, we were told about donor milk where moms could donate their excess milk if they had extras or overproduced. I had never heard of that. Although I know overproducing comes with it’s own set of issues, I was so jealous of overproducing moms at the time because at least they didn’t have to worry about their baby’s weight and wellbeing. This was purely my emotional brain being resentful at my personal experience, and I now know that isn’t rooted in truth. Oversupplying moms struggle a lot.

Learning about donor milk was such a relief for us, though! Finally a temporary resolution to my supply issues. The only problem with donor milk was that we didn’t want to introduce my daughter to milk that had dairy or gluten proteins, since I am dairy, gluten, and egg-free. Not only that, but you have to go off the honor system and trust that the donor didn’t do anything you wouldn’t feel comfortable with (i.e. vaccines, smoking, drinking, medications, etc.). So, after days of searching Facebook groups for a local mom who could possibly have milk similar to mine, we found someone! This meant that we could finally “top off” my milk and give my daughter enough to satisfy her growth requirements.

Food Sensitivities – The Total Elimination Diet (TED)

We noticed that even after latch and production issues were resolved, something still wasn’t right. I had a feeling my baby could be reacting to something in my breastmilk since she was constantly fussy. While I didn’t know for sure, I wondered if my SIBO/IBS/leaky gut caused more “things” to get into my breastmilk and, therefore, irritate my daughter’s gut. 

I didn’t really have anything left to lose so, I decided to start a Total Elimination Diet when my daughter turned 4 months. I picked from a list of foods that were low on the allergen scale and eliminated everything else for 2 weeks. No chocolate, no coffee, no snacks. Just bison, lamb, carrots, plantains, zucchini, pears, and water. 

Within 2-3 days, my husband and I noticed a happier demeanor in our baby, and luckily, things slowly (ever so slowly) start to improve from there. By 6 months, mostly all breastfeeding issues resolved.

Looking Ahead

It was such a long journey and I look back and wonder how I stayed the course. Although I’m glad I did, it made me so empathetic to the struggles moms go through to feed their babies – breastfeeding, formula, and combo-feeding. It’s such tough work and so self-sacrificial.

Despite all those struggles, I plan on breastfeeding for as long as possible. I genuinely look forward to every nursing session we have now because I know how hard we fought to have it. I’m so proud of us, sis.

I also want to give a quick thanks to the village of moms, dads, healthcare providers, and friends who supported and listened to our breastfeeding journey. It really made a difference in my mental and physical health knowing that I had a team of people around me, showering me with love and understanding. It made such a big difference and I cannot thank these people enough!

I hope one day I can pay it forward to other moms. If there’s one thing this breastfeeding experience has taught me, it’s that parents are real-life super humans who go to the ends of the earth to bring happiness and health to their babies, and even though it’s extremely taxing at times, it can be made easier with love and support from others.